10 Things on My Mind

1. I can't believe my sophomore year is almost over, it seems like I was just coming for the first day of fall semester not too long ago. This year has been an interesting one, with a lot of ups and downs, expectations not met, and things going better for me than I could have planned. Though this year turned out completely different than I originally anticipated, I feel I have grown as a person in ways that I did not expect to. Even though there's still a lot of things I need to work on, such as growing up, I feel I have gained a lot out of this year and for that I am extremely thankful.

2. I wish I was a pirate. For years now I have always said I would rather be a pirate than a ninja, and people looked at me like I was crazy. But with the evolution of the Somali Pirates, people are starting to realize how BA pirates can actually be. I'm not saying I condone the actions of the pirates from Somalia, but I am saying I want to be a pirate in some capacity.

3. I do not understand people's fascination with Twitter. It just seems like a stupid concept to me, always updating your status and what not. What is this world coming to? Needless to say, this does not mean I will not have a Twitter at some point. Considering that this thing will probably take off like MySpace and Facebook, all of my friends will get it, and because I am such a sucker because I need everyone to like me, I will probably give in and pretend like I never wrote this at all. Dang.

4. I think if a drunk driver kills someone, it should be considered pre-meditated murder. The driver knows he is going to be drunk and that he will drive when he starts, and he chooses to get behind that wheel. Drunk or not, you still have the capacity to make a decision like that. He chooses to put people's lives in danger, and it is one of the most selfish acts I can think of. I hope the guy that killed Nick Adenhart and his friends deserves life in prison, especially because he has ruined the lives of so many others. I didn't even know the guy, and I usually keep emotions bottled in, but I was absolutely crushed when I heard this. Drunk Driving is pre-meditated murder, or attempted manslaughter at the least.

5. I can't believe my Floor Moms are graduating in a couple of weeks. I didn't know any of them coming into the year, but on account of I'm at their apartment more than my own room sometimes, I have gotten to know each and every one of them a little better. Its been a fun year with them, and I am extremely thankful they took the time to hang out with my friends and I, even though were a bunch of loser sophomores. I know that it hurt their "rep" and thats what makes me even more thankful for them. We've experienced a lot together this year from our stealing and moving things phase, to dance videos, to shuns gone awry. But this year with the Moms has been great and I will miss them dearly next year.

6. I want to be in a gang, but not a normal gang. I want to be in a gang that doesn't do illegal stuff, but rather does stuff to help out other people, a gang of good-will if you will. Instead of drive-by shootings, drive-by hugs will occur. No homo.

7. I think its a shame what happened in the Miss America pageant. The loser, Miss California (whom I feel obligated to root for anyway), lost for what I think is an atrocious reason. Perez Hilton asked the question to her, and it read (and I'm paraphrasing) "Vermont is the 23rd state to legalize gay marriage...do you think other states should follow suit"? To which she promptly replied that no, based on her beliefs, she thinks marriage should be between a man and a woman. And you know what? She got criticized and lost for that "controversial" answer. To anyone who thought this answer was controversial, you are a hypocrite. First off, its a shame she got axed because she stated what she believed, isn't that what the question was for? They wanted her opinion on the matter, and then they wanted a cliche answer, which is downright stupid because they should want these people thinking for themselves. She got silenced for having an opinion, which seems very contradictory to the principles on which our country was founded. Second off, I don't even understand why it was such a controversial answer. Only 23 states have legalized it, which means more than half of the states in America are still on the edge or against it. So actually, her opinion was probably in the majority, but it probably just wasn't "politically correct". What a pity. Third, she didn't lose for messing up or not performing as well as another contestant, she lost for what she believed. Isn't that contrary to the whole Gay Rights movement thing anyway? They've been fighting for so long to have their opinion heard because they didn't feel they got the respect they deserved, and now they are punishing people for what they believe? Isn't that exactly what they were fighting to change? And lastly, what is this country coming to if someone if people can't be up front and honest about what they believe. Many people hold back their opinions that could actually help people out, and its all because of situations like this. Screw you Perez Hilton (and I don't mean that literally).

8. 2009 has been my year in sports so far. The Steelers won the Super Bowl (and I won a bet!), the North Carolina Tar Heels won the NCAA Championship convincingly, the Lakers are on a tear right now, the Angels are predicted to win the World Series by almost everybody, and I got to play a lot in 2009 on the basketball team (I even got to start a game!). This year has been awesome so far, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

9. I'm going through a huge questioning period in my life right now. I am literally questioning everything from myself to Christianity to people's authority. I'm at a stage where I think I'm trying to grow and just figure everything out, and its taken quite a toll on me. Now through all I've been through, God has always been there, is still here, and will always be here and I know that. I have never questioned the existence of God, but I still feel like there is something I am missing, and it is eating at me in ways you can't imagine. I feel like there's this hole in me, and I don't know how to fill it. I think that is why I am questioning everything. I know God loves me, and I love him more than anything, and I feel that he is using this time in my life, especially the last few years, to help shape me into what he ultimately wants me to be. I think he has used this time to help me realize some things, to toughen up, and to conquer fears that I felt I could never conquer. I feel he wants me to question things, including Himself and my own beliefs, so that I can ultimately grow. I feel he has big things in store for me, bigger than I can imagine, and I know that he is using these experiences to help me prepare for that. I used to be scared of this thought, but now I am ready to face my fear. I have a lot of questions and holes right now, but I am ready to face them all.

10. I'm tired of trying to be somebody I'm not. Its time to take a good look at who I am and stick with it.

Me?

Who am I is the question I ask
It may seem simple but it’s quite the task
I often have impressions but they never last
All previous thoughts just upped and passed

You see I don’t know who I really am
If I’m real or just another sham
I might just be another shell of a man
Mixed in with the rest like grains of sand

I like attention, but I’m way too shy
I don’t talk a lot and I don’t know why
I’ve never been cute, never been fly
And I give off the impression that I’ve never cried

I’m not too tall, not that short
I spend most of my time on some kind of court
I’m rather unorganized with things out of sort
And by the way I act I’ve been classified as a dork

I’ve been real chunky, I’ve had the belly
I have an obsession with peanut butter and jelly
I love my music more than the Tele
And I don’t give a crap about what you’re selling

I’m straight outta Compton, but really OC
I’ve told people that, but they never believe me
So I guess where I’m from isn’t that important to history
I guess it makes sense, so where I’m from is left a mystery

I’m a bona fide gangster, it’s in my personality
Some say I have an altered view of reality
I throw people my raps, but then they throw them back at me
So instead of looking legit it’s more of a sad thing

I’m a true athlete, its what I do
From my swing of the bat to my follow-thru
I like to excel when I play, that much is true
But rare is the case where I’m ever able to

I’m real competitive, I play with fire
I like to think someday I’ll jump higher
I need a job, need to get hired
And I only speak the truth, I’m not a liar

I pretend like I’m confident but its really fake
I think everything I do is my next big mistake
Sometimes I just lie in wait for the next one I’ll make
Until I remember that’s not the route I want to take

I’m a true nerd, I love to learn
More information is for what I yearn
I wont tell people though for fear of getting burned
I’d rather keep it this way and not let the tables turn

I love to read, I can’t dance
I prefer to wear shorts rather than long pants
If there’s something I need to do, I never admit I cant
And I love my Steelers, I’m a true fan

I’m a lover not a fighter
But don’t try and light my fire
I’m not afraid to push things to the wire
And I’m a high flyer

I have a good heart, I try to always be nice
When I screw up you don’t have to tell me twice
Sometimes I get afraid to roll the dice
And I try to make decisions and try to live wise

I love God more than anything else
I talk to him more than I talk to myself
I’m a Christian, but not from the Bible Belt
I just try to live for him by being my own self

So I’m not sure what all this means
I don’t know what people really think
I don’t know what I’m supposed to be
All I know is I’m proud I’m me

...

Have you ever wondered what it was deep inside your mind

That made you tick like a clock with time

Have you ever wondered what makes you...you?

What gives you your value and truth?

I am

I am the one that feels your pain

When you are lost in a storm of rain

I am the one that clearly sees

When no one else will ever believe

I am the one that is not afraid

When others say you cant be great

I am the one who comforts you at night

When no one else is there to help with the battles you fight

I am the one who is with you step by step

As you aim to be the best

I am the one who makes you do things right

And who gives you the drive to study deep into the night

I am the one that taught you to never give up

And that being right is not about luck

I am the one that taught you discipline

And to take each hit you receive with a grin

I am the one that tells you everything will be ok

Even when it does not seem that way

I am the one that brings you success

While you look on to what comes next

I am the one who takes your hand

But leaves not footprints in the sand

I am the one who lets you find joy in nothing

And I am the one who gives you pride in everything

I am the one that helps you to dream

So that the future can be greater than it now seems

I am the one who makes you think ahead

And not give into the pressure no matter what anyone said

I am the one who knows you will achieve

Even though no one else believes

I am the door that never shuts

And I am what gives you your guts

I am what makes you go when others stop

And what makes you look when others may not

I am that voice inside your head

That tells you that you can while you dream in bed

I am what gives you the drive

To want to be better every time

I am what tells you there is something above

And that there is always plenty to love

I am what makes you try so hard you cry

And I am what makes you so shy

I am why you may feel insecure

But I am also what does this to give you no fear

I am what wants you to succeed

And I am what you bleed

I am what makes you think too much

I am also the one that does this to make you tough

I am there when you don't know

And sometimes you think I will never show

I am your drive

I am your life

I am your strength

I am your sight

I am your love

I am your fear

I am the one that is always near

I am the fire

I am the storm

I am what makes you out of the norm

I am the passion

I am the lightning

I am the one that tells you to keep fighting

I am your right

I am your left

Im am what makes you want to be the best

I am your sword

I am your faith

I am what makes you stay on the path straight

I am always here

I am always near

I always hear

I am your peer

I am your hope

I am your dreams

I am not what everything seems

I am what helps you to grow

I am what you will always know

I am what you do

In fact, I am you

Here's What I Think

Procrastination is an art. Anyone who says its not isn't doing it right.

Reading notes are just busy work. I read the book, why do I need to take notes? How does a teacher possibly grade notetaking skills?

Going to chapel 30 straight times should not be a requirement. I've gone to at least 35 every semester, leave me alone.

The Anaheim Angels (Not of Los Angeles) will win the world series. They are the best team in baseball. Period.

Chris Taylor is the most chill RA in Huntington.

I'm almost positive the guy who lives next to me is a gangster. But if he tells me to turn down my playstation so he can do homework one more time, a real street battle might ensue.

Matt Angell needs to suck it up and make a move. (Just Kidding)

I am not 5'10, 170 lbs. The roster lies. There is no way I am the shortest person on the basketball team. This is a conspiracy.

I don't know who I am going to vote for. Obama doesn't impress me. With that said, neither does McCain.

I think John Wooden should run for president.

The best show on television is the Simpsons, followed by SportsCenter, Heroes, and Two and a Half Men.

You shouldn't listen to Track 14 on the Lil Wayne CD. Really, just trust me on this.

There should not be a Christian world and a secular world. The two should be intertwined. Christians too often try to seperate themselves from what they fear, instead of taking it head on. Its time to step up.

I love Peanut Butter.

The Sandwich game is literally kicking my butt right now.

I wish I had rhythm.

Those are my random thoughts/truths for the day.

Demon Slayer

So last night we went to Black Star Canyon because it sounded like it would be fun. Lets just say, its not a very inviting place. Nothing too eerie went on except for the shadowy figures lurking behind us in the mountains, the bird noises that were not coming from a bird, the satanic drums that stopped when we stopped and sped up when we sped up, the figure that made us run for our lives, and the constant threat of some angry redneck that would jump out of the bushes with a shotgun determined to get us off his land. Originally, I went to encounter the so-called demon of the canyon called black star, though i did not experience it last night. I also would have loved to see Indian ghosts, a banshee with a horse's head, a lion-like creature (with a mane), and other supernatural oddities, but I did not. I think we may have if we went deeper in the territory, but that lurking feeling you get that something is not right came upon us so we had to turn around. Plus, I really didn't want to have to experience a shotgun or a guy that slashes tires or possibly both at the same time (Its happened). Needless to say, Black Star Canyon was an interesting experience, and I am looking foward to going deeper in even later at night at some point, but hopefully with more protection than a baseball bat. Bring it on Black Star!

Floor Moms

My Floor Moms:

1. Don't appreciate my curious george artwork as much as tim's

2. Blame us when things of theirs go missing

3. Accuse us of crimes/pranks we were not even their to commit

4. Seem to call me Brenny at the most inopportune times (and its catching on)

5. Tell us to take shoes off in their house then complain that it smells

6. Think blogging is cool

7. Make dance videos only to regret it later

8. Never want us to come over because they have "papers" or "homework" to do, or they need to "sleep"

9. Love us even though we show up unannounced and annoy them for hours on end