Sunday, November 14, 2010

10 Reasons Why...I Don't Have a Girlfriend

10 Reasons I Don’t Have a Girlfriend:

10. My skin tone is quite comparable to the color of cottage cheese
9. I’m not opposed to asking a girl out to Taco Bell for a first date
8. My brain goes into shutdown mode whenever I consciously realize I am flirting
7. I have nicknames for girls that I like (Here’s lookin at you Condor)
6. I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong
5. I make stupid videos and post them all over the Internet for everyone to see
4. I’m not photogenic—at all
3. I’m pathetic (according to my sister)
2. I ask my 13-year old sister for dating advice because she knows more than me, and I’m pretty sure she hasn’t even dated yet

And finally (drumroll please.....duh duh duh duh duh)

1. I’m making a list of why I don’t have a girlfriend

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Guess Who's Back, Back Again?

“There are countless ways of attaining greatness, but any road to reaching one’s maximum potential must be built on a bedrock of respect for the individual, a commitment to excellence and a rejection of mediocrity.” - Some Profound Guy

And the anticipated return is made, and it’s more than you could have ever hoped for. To be honest, I forgot I had a blog and kind of accidentally stumbled upon it and remembered, “oh yeah. I have a blog.” What’s the point of a blog if you don’t blog on your blog, am I right? So here I am, attaining greatness in the form of blogging while at the same time bestowing my astute knowledge of the world we live in to you, my loyal reader(s). Let the blogging begin.

For starters, I should probably change the link to this blog. It shows how long it’s been because the link should clearly be To make things worse, it should have been before that, but like I previously stated, I forgot I had a blog. A lot has happened since I last blogged, the main thing being a whole entire year. I’ve had love and lost it, made a variety of embarrassing choices and had my cake while eating it too. Much information about my life will be shared on this blog, but with this privileged knowledge comes major responsibility: What happens on the blog, stays on the blog. We good? Sweet.

My junior year at Vanguard was fantastic. It had extremely high points, it had really low points and it had a lot of in between. There ya go, you’re all caught up.

Anyways, my goal for this blog is to entertain, inform and amuse all of those who read it. For further whimsical folly, please tune in on Friday, May 21, for the next portion of my blog. I will be talking about girls. Yes, girls.

I have a bedrock of respect for the individual, a commitment to excellence and a rejection of mediocrity.

Yours faithfully and truly,


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The Human Garbage Disposal

Ok, I realize that my last post was about how I was never going to blog again, but lets be honest, I was just overreacting to life in general. I have to much stupidity to write about to leave this blog alone. With that said...

I am officially in my last week of working with CVS. Although this has been a great summer job that has allowed me to earn the money i need to continue in my ventures, it literally sucked the soul out of me. I don't know how to explain it, but somehow i sold my soul to CVS and I'm in the process of trying to retrieve it. Just kidding, but not really. Anyways, while I will not miss being at work for 9 hours a day, there are a few things I will miss. First, I will miss the customers. Some customers are nice (old people), other customers are mean (middle aged people), but all customers are right, and I now fully understand that (I hope my work is reading this). Second, I will miss waking up at 6 am every morning to go to work, it helped to give me discipline, and now I love discipline. But mostly, I will miss the questions asked of me at work. Things from the customers like, "Where are your drug tests" (kid was high), "Do you carry Wet and Wild" (scary old lady), and "Can I hide out in the store for a little bit" (lady with a warrant out for her arrest). Also, questions from my coworkers and supervisors I will miss. Things like, "What are you working on", "How come you smell like alcohol", "How come you made us order so much ing candy", "Why aren't the bathrooms clean", "Why are you bleeding", "Why don't you stop talking", and my favorite, "Seriously, why are you bleeding" (in my defense, I was bleeding because I am a hero and I saved our store from sure destruction, not because I was messing around with a sharp object I shouldn't have been messing around with and I accidentally cut myself and I couldn't tell anybody because then they would know I was messing around with the sharp object. It is because I am a hero). Anyways, although I am happy to not be working anymore, I will miss CVS.

Moving on to more pressing matters, school is almost here. I am excited for this year for many reasons, but I will not write about any of them for fear of jinxing them. I am not superstitious, just cautious, so leave me alone. One thing I can write about is how happy my family will be that I am finally out of the house for an extended period of time once again. For some reason, my siblings overreact to everything I do, but I do not antagonize them in any way. My parents think I antagonize. I think I do nothing, therefore I do nothing. Its not my fault the other night that my little sister was yelling at me, my brother was stuck on our dining room table, and my sisters boyfriend was considering breaking up with my other sister because of me. Some things just happen whether you like it or not. Happenings like this are commonplace, and since my parents think this is all my fault, even though its my little sister's fault every time, they will be happy I am gone. Also, they'll probably be happy I can't secretly sneak sugar to the kids to get them all hyped up then leave the house for the day. I will take responsibility for that. Some things they will miss are the many positives I bring to the table. They will miss the house being free of leftovers, as I am known as the "Human Garbage Disposal" around these parts. They will miss my random spurts of energy that beam out of me just so I can prove I am still a person and not a mere clone of the CVS corporation. And they will miss the great advice I give to my little brother and sister. Why, just this morning, I told my brother to annoy my little sister and not leave her room until she got out of bed. He told me that she said she was going to throw something at him. I said, brilliantly i might add, to throw something bigger back at her, that will solve the problem (even though my advice backfired and something with a hamster happened, but we'll leave that for later). Anyways, my advice has these kids prepared for the real world, and I know I will be missed because of it. It will be sad leaving, but it must be done.

Lastly, I would like to talk about nicknames. For this next year, I want all of you who read this, (yes, all 4 of you) to call me by my nickname, and only my nickname, during the whole basketball season. Your choice is either "Lights Out" or "Smooth Operator". I love basketball. I did not come up with these nicknames. I am a Junior. One of the previous three statements is not true, guess which one. Regardless, I will not respond to anything else. Anyways, I have to go, its past my bedtime. Peace.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Last Blog. To many people blog. Me not want to be like a blogger, to many people are bloggers. I done.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Be Still and Know

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. (Isaiah 9:2)

Deep in the depths of the shadow of the night,
I find myself lost and confused, hopelessly searching for light,
My will is so worn down there’s no reason left to fight,
My mind is consumed with failure, fear, and fright.

Fear has overtaken my body, spirit, and mind,
This gradual decline has turned into a slide,
I keep slipping back down whenever I try to climb,
Can someone out there tell me everything is fine?

Can someone out there hear my desperate pleas?
I’m falling to the ground, scars left on the knees,
My strength is shaken, it sways like the leaves on trees
I’m lost, helpless, and in need of help, please!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

All this anger and hatred has built up inside of me,
This can’t be the way that things should be,
There must be more out there I am too broken to see,
But there is nothing, its so hard to believe.

Where were you when I needed you the most?
How come a little brother is nothing but a ghost?
Why do good people suffer, while others just boast?
How come I feel I’ve been burnt by you more than toast?

I can’t believe I ask these questions still,
But there is nothing left in me, I’m left unfilled,
I have nothing left in me; zip, nada, nil,
I’m crying out, please take of me what you will.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

I can feel you in the room, your presence is sitting close,
But my body has been beaten, its torn and morose,
My mind has never been more withered, its wilted like the tears of a rose,
You have to be here, but it seems nothing more than a ghost.

The world all around me has left me scarred,
Keeping right in this place has proved much too hard,
I closed off your love, but now my heart is ajar,
Please come knocking at my door, you can’t be far.

Now I’m at a loss but I’m not one to lose,
I have nothing else to strive for, you are my only muse,
I’m tired of the lies, I need to find the truth,
Tell me if I need to stay here, or if I need to move.

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. (Psalm 46:10)

Easy is not in my vocabulary, I know this will be tough,
But I know with you anything is more than enough,
I want to shout your name out louder so you hear me above,
Fill my heart with your glory, fill my heart with your love.

When I am weak, I know that you are always strong,
Knowing you are right means admitting I am wrong,
I know you will take my hand and be by my side all along,
I’m breaking down but I finally belong.

Fill me with your grace and fill me with that fire,
I want to be lifted where I can’t get any higher,
Keep me going strong even when I become tired,
Give me the balance to walk on this thin wire.

But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the scorn of fools. (Psalm 39:7-8)

Impossible is nothing, with you I can believe,
Even when things are bleak, you are there to help me achieve,
I know I don’t always know it, but you will never leave,
I understand you are always here, even though I can’t always see.

Please give me the wisdom and strength to survive,
Please keep me above water, do not let me dive,
Please give me your passion and goals for which I can strive,
Please give me your fire so I can feel alive.

This is not always easy to say, but Lord I love you,
You have always helped me without my knowledge, even from my youth,
Take my hand, Lord, and make me new,
For your way is the light, your way is the glory, and your way is the truth.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Read at Your Own Risk...

Welcome to my mind. For the next 2 minutes or more, my thoughts will consume your bored, tired minds (why else would you waste your time reading this crap) while I am able to vent and rant on all of the intricacies of life. Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen (or lady and possibly a gentleman, I like to keep it real), here are the thoughts you have been waiting for…

Recently an argument has been brought to my attention that really concerns me, because I am dumbfounded as to why there is even an argument at all. Someone the other day actually told me, and I am not making this up, “Del Taco is better than Taco Bell”. My jaw literally dropped to the floor and I’m not going to lie, I may have gotten a little hostile. When someone attacks something you truly love, friendship is put on the line, and this case was no exception to the rule. You may wonder why I flipped out on something so trivial, but of those of you who know me, aka all of you, know taco bell was literally my meal support system for over half of my meals at Vanguard. I probably ate there more than at the Caf. You cant beat a 99 cent bean burrito, which is what I get 90% of the time, a grilled stuft chicken burrito, which is filled with any and every ingredient you can think of (and quite possibly the healthiest thing I have ever eaten), or a free small cup of water. What does del Taco have to offer? Nothing? That’s exactly what I thought too. And they have a stupid slogan, seriously, “Go Bold”? Dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Plus, Taco Bell has always given me hope for other things in life. And to all of you who think TB (Taco Bell, not Tuberculosis) is harmful to my fitness and life as a whole, I am telling you that that was my diet during basketball season, and I am obviously fine. If you don’t believe me, just check me out in my most recent workout. No homo.

Now that I’m on a bit of a roll and I’m still not asleep (dangit), I want to talk to you about a recent fear of mine. Keep in mind, this is not a joke. The other day at work I was told to go and stock the freezer full of Rockstar and Rockstar affiliated subsidies (on a sidenote,I don’t know why these energy drinks are so popular), when I noticed there was a giant hole in the box. Thinking nothing of it, I continued placing cans into the freezer until I came across two cans with teeth marks in them, completely empty. I come to find out that rats had gotten into our little Rockstar section, and when I say rats, I mean big boy rats, the type that look like they could be small dogs. So basically, all I can think about at work now is that there are giant mutated rats at CVS bouncing off the walls because they are loaded up on Rockstar. This is the last thing I need on my mind at work. Welcome to my life at CVS.

Speaking of CVS, I have had some extremely weird interactions with people there lately. There was the girl with the warrant out for her arrest hiding out in our store (and at the same time thinking I was ok with it), the two giant behemoths who stole perfume--of all things-- from our beauty dept. and then ran out, quite possibly causing one of the minor earthquakes we had, and the couple so high when they came to the checkout stand that I’m pretty sure I was high by the end of the transaction. This was all in a very short amount of time. I don’t know what it is, because the area I work in is supposedly one of the safest, most “normal” neighborhoods out there, but the store I work at seems to draw in all the thugs and strange people that won’t go anywhere else. Seriously, it seems like a good chunk of the people that come to my store are more loaded up on crap than Marshall Mathers is on Valium.

As I am still awake, obviously, so I will continue to write. Stop reading now if you didn’t like the earlier stuff, cause I can tell you it ain’t gonna get much better. If your like me, just read to read because you love reading (My recent test scores tell me I am reading at a post-8th grade level…Yes!). I want to talk about something that bugs me now, and it is called bandwagoning.

It is so annoying when people all of a sudden like the same thing or team that other people do for no other reason than to just fit in. Stop bandwagoning (is that a word?) with winners. This goes out to you Lakers fans. Now, you may be asking yourself, “why is this kid talking about bandwagons. His favorite teams are the UNC Tar Heels (National Champions), Pittsburgh Steelers (World Champions), and LA Angels of Anaheim (Future World Champions).” I would also like to point out that I am rooting for the Lakers in the NBA Finals. However, I do not pretend to be a die hard fan just because they are good. Do I like them, yes. Is Kobe the best player in the world, yes. Are they my favorite NBA team, no (that would be the Charlotte Bobcats). And I like all those other teams because I’ve liked them sincie I was like 3, so leave me alone. Its not my fault all the teams I like dominate. Just stop bandwagoning (a word?) please.

To end off this pitiful blog entry, I would like to plug a new group you may have heard about called Papaphobia. Well, maybe you haven’t heard of them, but that’s because they haven’t made any music yet. Just keep your eyes out, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Anyways, I have stuff to do like sleep. Peace. Thanks for letting me waste your time, I really appreciate it.