Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The Human Garbage Disposal

Ok, I realize that my last post was about how I was never going to blog again, but lets be honest, I was just overreacting to life in general. I have to much stupidity to write about to leave this blog alone. With that said...

I am officially in my last week of working with CVS. Although this has been a great summer job that has allowed me to earn the money i need to continue in my ventures, it literally sucked the soul out of me. I don't know how to explain it, but somehow i sold my soul to CVS and I'm in the process of trying to retrieve it. Just kidding, but not really. Anyways, while I will not miss being at work for 9 hours a day, there are a few things I will miss. First, I will miss the customers. Some customers are nice (old people), other customers are mean (middle aged people), but all customers are right, and I now fully understand that (I hope my work is reading this). Second, I will miss waking up at 6 am every morning to go to work, it helped to give me discipline, and now I love discipline. But mostly, I will miss the questions asked of me at work. Things from the customers like, "Where are your drug tests" (kid was high), "Do you carry Wet and Wild" (scary old lady), and "Can I hide out in the store for a little bit" (lady with a warrant out for her arrest). Also, questions from my coworkers and supervisors I will miss. Things like, "What are you working on", "How come you smell like alcohol", "How come you made us order so much ing candy", "Why aren't the bathrooms clean", "Why are you bleeding", "Why don't you stop talking", and my favorite, "Seriously, why are you bleeding" (in my defense, I was bleeding because I am a hero and I saved our store from sure destruction, not because I was messing around with a sharp object I shouldn't have been messing around with and I accidentally cut myself and I couldn't tell anybody because then they would know I was messing around with the sharp object. It is because I am a hero). Anyways, although I am happy to not be working anymore, I will miss CVS.

Moving on to more pressing matters, school is almost here. I am excited for this year for many reasons, but I will not write about any of them for fear of jinxing them. I am not superstitious, just cautious, so leave me alone. One thing I can write about is how happy my family will be that I am finally out of the house for an extended period of time once again. For some reason, my siblings overreact to everything I do, but I do not antagonize them in any way. My parents think I antagonize. I think I do nothing, therefore I do nothing. Its not my fault the other night that my little sister was yelling at me, my brother was stuck on our dining room table, and my sisters boyfriend was considering breaking up with my other sister because of me. Some things just happen whether you like it or not. Happenings like this are commonplace, and since my parents think this is all my fault, even though its my little sister's fault every time, they will be happy I am gone. Also, they'll probably be happy I can't secretly sneak sugar to the kids to get them all hyped up then leave the house for the day. I will take responsibility for that. Some things they will miss are the many positives I bring to the table. They will miss the house being free of leftovers, as I am known as the "Human Garbage Disposal" around these parts. They will miss my random spurts of energy that beam out of me just so I can prove I am still a person and not a mere clone of the CVS corporation. And they will miss the great advice I give to my little brother and sister. Why, just this morning, I told my brother to annoy my little sister and not leave her room until she got out of bed. He told me that she said she was going to throw something at him. I said, brilliantly i might add, to throw something bigger back at her, that will solve the problem (even though my advice backfired and something with a hamster happened, but we'll leave that for later). Anyways, my advice has these kids prepared for the real world, and I know I will be missed because of it. It will be sad leaving, but it must be done.

Lastly, I would like to talk about nicknames. For this next year, I want all of you who read this, (yes, all 4 of you) to call me by my nickname, and only my nickname, during the whole basketball season. Your choice is either "Lights Out" or "Smooth Operator". I love basketball. I did not come up with these nicknames. I am a Junior. One of the previous three statements is not true, guess which one. Regardless, I will not respond to anything else. Anyways, I have to go, its past my bedtime. Peace.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Done

Last Blog. To many people blog. Me not want to be like a blogger, to many people are bloggers. I done.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Be Still and Know

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. (Isaiah 9:2)

Deep in the depths of the shadow of the night,
I find myself lost and confused, hopelessly searching for light,
My will is so worn down there’s no reason left to fight,
My mind is consumed with failure, fear, and fright.

Fear has overtaken my body, spirit, and mind,
This gradual decline has turned into a slide,
I keep slipping back down whenever I try to climb,
Can someone out there tell me everything is fine?

Can someone out there hear my desperate pleas?
I’m falling to the ground, scars left on the knees,
My strength is shaken, it sways like the leaves on trees
I’m lost, helpless, and in need of help, please!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

All this anger and hatred has built up inside of me,
This can’t be the way that things should be,
There must be more out there I am too broken to see,
But there is nothing, its so hard to believe.

Where were you when I needed you the most?
How come a little brother is nothing but a ghost?
Why do good people suffer, while others just boast?
How come I feel I’ve been burnt by you more than toast?

I can’t believe I ask these questions still,
But there is nothing left in me, I’m left unfilled,
I have nothing left in me; zip, nada, nil,
I’m crying out, please take of me what you will.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

I can feel you in the room, your presence is sitting close,
But my body has been beaten, its torn and morose,
My mind has never been more withered, its wilted like the tears of a rose,
You have to be here, but it seems nothing more than a ghost.

The world all around me has left me scarred,
Keeping right in this place has proved much too hard,
I closed off your love, but now my heart is ajar,
Please come knocking at my door, you can’t be far.

Now I’m at a loss but I’m not one to lose,
I have nothing else to strive for, you are my only muse,
I’m tired of the lies, I need to find the truth,
Tell me if I need to stay here, or if I need to move.

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. (Psalm 46:10)

Easy is not in my vocabulary, I know this will be tough,
But I know with you anything is more than enough,
I want to shout your name out louder so you hear me above,
Fill my heart with your glory, fill my heart with your love.

When I am weak, I know that you are always strong,
Knowing you are right means admitting I am wrong,
I know you will take my hand and be by my side all along,
I’m breaking down but I finally belong.

Fill me with your grace and fill me with that fire,
I want to be lifted where I can’t get any higher,
Keep me going strong even when I become tired,
Give me the balance to walk on this thin wire.

But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the scorn of fools. (Psalm 39:7-8)

Impossible is nothing, with you I can believe,
Even when things are bleak, you are there to help me achieve,
I know I don’t always know it, but you will never leave,
I understand you are always here, even though I can’t always see.

Please give me the wisdom and strength to survive,
Please keep me above water, do not let me dive,
Please give me your passion and goals for which I can strive,
Please give me your fire so I can feel alive.

This is not always easy to say, but Lord I love you,
You have always helped me without my knowledge, even from my youth,
Take my hand, Lord, and make me new,
For your way is the light, your way is the glory, and your way is the truth.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Read at Your Own Risk...

Welcome to my mind. For the next 2 minutes or more, my thoughts will consume your bored, tired minds (why else would you waste your time reading this crap) while I am able to vent and rant on all of the intricacies of life. Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen (or lady and possibly a gentleman, I like to keep it real), here are the thoughts you have been waiting for…

Recently an argument has been brought to my attention that really concerns me, because I am dumbfounded as to why there is even an argument at all. Someone the other day actually told me, and I am not making this up, “Del Taco is better than Taco Bell”. My jaw literally dropped to the floor and I’m not going to lie, I may have gotten a little hostile. When someone attacks something you truly love, friendship is put on the line, and this case was no exception to the rule. You may wonder why I flipped out on something so trivial, but of those of you who know me, aka all of you, know taco bell was literally my meal support system for over half of my meals at Vanguard. I probably ate there more than at the Caf. You cant beat a 99 cent bean burrito, which is what I get 90% of the time, a grilled stuft chicken burrito, which is filled with any and every ingredient you can think of (and quite possibly the healthiest thing I have ever eaten), or a free small cup of water. What does del Taco have to offer? Nothing? That’s exactly what I thought too. And they have a stupid slogan, seriously, “Go Bold”? Dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Plus, Taco Bell has always given me hope for other things in life. And to all of you who think TB (Taco Bell, not Tuberculosis) is harmful to my fitness and life as a whole, I am telling you that that was my diet during basketball season, and I am obviously fine. If you don’t believe me, just check me out in my most recent workout. No homo.

Now that I’m on a bit of a roll and I’m still not asleep (dangit), I want to talk to you about a recent fear of mine. Keep in mind, this is not a joke. The other day at work I was told to go and stock the freezer full of Rockstar and Rockstar affiliated subsidies (on a sidenote,I don’t know why these energy drinks are so popular), when I noticed there was a giant hole in the box. Thinking nothing of it, I continued placing cans into the freezer until I came across two cans with teeth marks in them, completely empty. I come to find out that rats had gotten into our little Rockstar section, and when I say rats, I mean big boy rats, the type that look like they could be small dogs. So basically, all I can think about at work now is that there are giant mutated rats at CVS bouncing off the walls because they are loaded up on Rockstar. This is the last thing I need on my mind at work. Welcome to my life at CVS.

Speaking of CVS, I have had some extremely weird interactions with people there lately. There was the girl with the warrant out for her arrest hiding out in our store (and at the same time thinking I was ok with it), the two giant behemoths who stole perfume--of all things-- from our beauty dept. and then ran out, quite possibly causing one of the minor earthquakes we had, and the couple so high when they came to the checkout stand that I’m pretty sure I was high by the end of the transaction. This was all in a very short amount of time. I don’t know what it is, because the area I work in is supposedly one of the safest, most “normal” neighborhoods out there, but the store I work at seems to draw in all the thugs and strange people that won’t go anywhere else. Seriously, it seems like a good chunk of the people that come to my store are more loaded up on crap than Marshall Mathers is on Valium.

As I am still awake, obviously, so I will continue to write. Stop reading now if you didn’t like the earlier stuff, cause I can tell you it ain’t gonna get much better. If your like me, just read to read because you love reading (My recent test scores tell me I am reading at a post-8th grade level…Yes!). I want to talk about something that bugs me now, and it is called bandwagoning.

It is so annoying when people all of a sudden like the same thing or team that other people do for no other reason than to just fit in. Stop bandwagoning (is that a word?) with winners. This goes out to you Lakers fans. Now, you may be asking yourself, “why is this kid talking about bandwagons. His favorite teams are the UNC Tar Heels (National Champions), Pittsburgh Steelers (World Champions), and LA Angels of Anaheim (Future World Champions).” I would also like to point out that I am rooting for the Lakers in the NBA Finals. However, I do not pretend to be a die hard fan just because they are good. Do I like them, yes. Is Kobe the best player in the world, yes. Are they my favorite NBA team, no (that would be the Charlotte Bobcats). And I like all those other teams because I’ve liked them sincie I was like 3, so leave me alone. Its not my fault all the teams I like dominate. Just stop bandwagoning (a word?) please.

To end off this pitiful blog entry, I would like to plug a new group you may have heard about called Papaphobia. Well, maybe you haven’t heard of them, but that’s because they haven’t made any music yet. Just keep your eyes out, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Anyways, I have stuff to do like sleep. Peace. Thanks for letting me waste your time, I really appreciate it.

Peace!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Fortune Cookies

Ok, so here’s the deal. The other night me and my family (for you English majors out there, My family and I…my apologies), had Panda Express for dinner. Think what you want about Panda Express, but I think it is one of the best fine dining establishments in the good ol’ United States of America—Right behind Taco Bell, Great Mex, and Chipotle (Man I love Mexican Food). Anyways, the food itself was fantastic—I mean, orange chicken, Beijing beef, and enough rice to feed a small population just hits the spot—but something after the messy goodness of the food got to me. I opened a fortune cookie.

Now let me make something clear to you: I do not eat cookies, especially fortune cookies. With that said, I love to read my “fortunes” inside of them. The problem is, either I am having bad luck with fortune cookies, or someone is doing a little bit of false advertising. Allow me to explain.

The last time I opened a fortune cookie, there was nothing in it—literally. I took this to be a fortune that said I had nothing left to live for, and after hours of going hysterical, I calmed down and convinced myself the nice fortune cookie guys just forgot to put one in there. But enough of that, what really is getting me all worked up about this fortune cookie crap is there is no fortune in these cookies whatsoever. Fortunes are supposed to predict the future—and that’s why I open fortune cookies, to find out what is going to happen in my life. But instead of telling me I am going to make a lot of money in the near future, or that I will find the love of my life at sunrise, or that I am going to make a decision that will alienate my friends and cause me to be a loner for the rest of my life (that fortune would suck, but at least it would prepare me), I am getting “fortunes” that tell me what to do. Now I don’t know about you, but ain’t no one that tells me what to do. I live by my own rules, which just happen to also be the rules of the people with higher authority over me, but that’s no biggie.

If I wanted to have someone tell me what to do or how to live my life, I would go have a conversation with my mom and then do the exact opposite of the advice I was given, just to test the waters. But to have a “fortune” cookie tell me to go do this or that is just unacceptable. I don’t want advice cookies, I want a freaking fortune cookie. And to take matters to an even higher level, some “fortune” cookies give me sound moral advice—which is great, but not something I’m in dire need of. Moral advice is good, but I can get it from other places. Fortunes, not so much. I like to think of it this way: I think of myself as a decent human being, so I don’t want to know I should treat other people as I would want to be treated, but I do want to know my freaking fortune.

So I guess the whole point of this stupid little rant is “fortune” cookies aren’t really fortune cookies and that really bugs me. They should not be advertised as fortune cookies if they don’t predict the future, end of story. So, to all you brilliant marketing executives of the “fortune” cookie industry out there, you have two options before I start a headhunt for your jobs: Either give me a dang fortune (I sound like such a nerd because I don’t cuss, so it really doesn’t get my point across like I would like it too, but that’s another story for another day), or change the name of the cookies. I am tired of being misled and falling for the same trick over and over again with the hope that maybe, just maybe, this next fortune cookie will have a fortune for me. I’m tired in living in this web of lies.

All I want to know is what is going to happen next, is that so much to ask?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Summer!!!!

Its Summer!!! Summer Time is Here!!!! In case you aren't catching on...Summer has Arrived! I have finished my last (see: only) final, and probably passed it with flying colors, though I'm not exactly all that sure what that phrase really means.

I, for one, am stoked for what is to come this summer. Nothing excites me more then leaving my friends for four months and replacing that with a job where I have to stock things, check expiration dates on children's medicine, and possibly, on bad days, clean bathrooms. I couldn't think of a better setup.

But all kidding aside, I think this summer is going to be awesome as it will allow me to return to my roots. Sure it is going to suck because all of my homies out there (shoutout, you know who your are considering theres like 5 of you) will be gone, and next year just wont be quite the same without us overtaking the Madison Apartments, but summer is never a dull experience. I plan on taking advantage of many opportunities. Let me explain.

1. First off, I am excited about reclaiming my title in Ladera Ranch as the village idiot. I am fully aware that I am the biggest idiot in the city, and I am fully aware that you know I know. Yes, that is me that runs in the short shorts in the middle of the day in broad daylight. Yes, I am aware I am wearing a wife-beater. Yes, I know there are people outside and that they can all see me. Yes, I know my arms and legs are more blinding than looking into the sun (also, the moon called me and asked for its reflectiveness back). Yes, I know the children are scared and that you adults are kind of appalled by what you are seeing. Yes, I know I shouldn't run in front of dining establishments where people are eating. Yes, that is me dancing in the streets (thank you Channing Tatum). Yes, that is me pretending like I am a BAMF and blaring rap music like I am from Compton (which I've said so much now I actually think its true). Yes, I am fully aware you all think I am an idiot. No, I don't care. No I will not stop. No. No. No. I take pride in my title as the village idiot and I plan on living up my rep to the fullest this upcoming summer. Ladera Ranch, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

2. Second thing is, I'm going to try to grow myself intellectually this summer (as evidenced by that last sentence). To do this, I plan on watching as little TV as possible. I know that this is basically like committing suicide to some people, but allow me to explain. TV has made me dumber. That should be the end of my explanation, but its not. You see, TV has never taught me anything really all that useful for real life. High School (or college) was nothing like Saved by the Bell or Boy Meets World, Global GUTS made me think all foreign countries were bad and/or unathletic, and Legends of the Hidden Temple basically made me lose all faith in humanity (seriously, the final "puzzle" had only 3 pieces and the "guards" were always in the same place. Stupid kids). Therefore, I have decided to read things that apply to real life and the real world, preferably books like Harry Potter and One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish . Now those will prepare me for the real world.

3. Numero Tres, I want to get somewhat of a tan this summer. Notice my strategic use of the word somewhat in this hypothetical scenario. In the past, I have put a lot of pressure on myself to "get a tan". Usually I thrive under pressure situations like these, but for some reason, this particular situation I have failed miserably. Therefore, I have told myself that I just want "somewhat" of a tan so as to not put as much pressure on myself, and therefore I will probably have more success in this area. For all the people that ever have to see me with my shirt off or in my short shorts, you better hope by the Grace of God that I get "somewhat" of a tan. Or you will be blind. My bad.

4. Fourth, I plan on not doing drugs this summer. I have never done drugs, but I figure this is a good rule to live by. Because I think only positive things can come from not doing drugs, I plan on not doing them.

5. Cinco, I have a job this summer at CVS. I am glad that I get to make money, because money buys things. However, I am already well aware that I will be presented with a variety of challenges on the job. I hope I do not succumb to any of these challenges, but I cannot make any promises. Basically, these challenges have to do with me dealing with customers. Some customers feel that I have an unbelievable amount of power in controlling things in the store, when I really always have to do what I'm told. If I get yelled at, I usually yell back. I'm competitive like that. I'm working on it. I'm sorry to any customers I will offend with my witty comments and comebacks this summer. But not too sorry, because you probably started it.

6. Sixth, I am taking summer school. Summer school sucks, but at least I never have to take this class again. And I will annihilate this class, eventually annihilate every other class because of this class, then probably take over the world or something. I haven't really decided yet.

7. Numero Siete, I get to write a lot this summer. I will write everything from songs to raps to screenplays to novels. I also plan on writing blogs like these and keeping a journal. Yeah, be jealous.

8. Ocho!, I plan on taking this time to get into the best shape of my life. I want to get all this stupid baby fat off me and finally be a man. Also, I want to improve my basketball game by infinity. So that I play. So that I don't have to watch. And so people don't laugh at me. Seriously, please don't laugh at me.

9. Nueve!, I get to hang out with my family. I would go more in depth on this, but I'm pretty sure I've embarassed my family enough by my looks and actions so far in my life, so I won't try to say anything that shouldn't be said. Its not worth the risk of not being fed.

10. Lastly, what you've all been waiting for, number 10. As some of you may know, my sister has a boyfriend. I plan on making this fellow believe that I have committed a felony and that I should be in a mental institution. If this fails, I at least plan on having him do a rap battle with me. I will rap battle the crap out of him and make him cry, and thus prove my superiority. And if you are reading this Matt Koskie, my good sir, just remember whatever you do with/to my sister, I do to you.

That is my two cents on my summer and I'm sure you all are glad you wasted precious minutes of your life reading this. Remember, its not my fault.

Until Next Time,

Brennan (a.k.a. brenny, killer B, "that kid that plays basketball")

Thursday, April 23, 2009

10 Things on My Mind

1. I can't believe my sophomore year is almost over, it seems like I was just coming for the first day of fall semester not too long ago. This year has been an interesting one, with a lot of ups and downs, expectations not met, and things going better for me than I could have planned. Though this year turned out completely different than I originally anticipated, I feel I have grown as a person in ways that I did not expect to. Even though there's still a lot of things I need to work on, such as growing up, I feel I have gained a lot out of this year and for that I am extremely thankful.

2. I wish I was a pirate. For years now I have always said I would rather be a pirate than a ninja, and people looked at me like I was crazy. But with the evolution of the Somali Pirates, people are starting to realize how BA pirates can actually be. I'm not saying I condone the actions of the pirates from Somalia, but I am saying I want to be a pirate in some capacity.

3. I do not understand people's fascination with Twitter. It just seems like a stupid concept to me, always updating your status and what not. What is this world coming to? Needless to say, this does not mean I will not have a Twitter at some point. Considering that this thing will probably take off like MySpace and Facebook, all of my friends will get it, and because I am such a sucker because I need everyone to like me, I will probably give in and pretend like I never wrote this at all. Dang.

4. I think if a drunk driver kills someone, it should be considered pre-meditated murder. The driver knows he is going to be drunk and that he will drive when he starts, and he chooses to get behind that wheel. Drunk or not, you still have the capacity to make a decision like that. He chooses to put people's lives in danger, and it is one of the most selfish acts I can think of. I hope the guy that killed Nick Adenhart and his friends deserves life in prison, especially because he has ruined the lives of so many others. I didn't even know the guy, and I usually keep emotions bottled in, but I was absolutely crushed when I heard this. Drunk Driving is pre-meditated murder, or attempted manslaughter at the least.

5. I can't believe my Floor Moms are graduating in a couple of weeks. I didn't know any of them coming into the year, but on account of I'm at their apartment more than my own room sometimes, I have gotten to know each and every one of them a little better. Its been a fun year with them, and I am extremely thankful they took the time to hang out with my friends and I, even though were a bunch of loser sophomores. I know that it hurt their "rep" and thats what makes me even more thankful for them. We've experienced a lot together this year from our stealing and moving things phase, to dance videos, to shuns gone awry. But this year with the Moms has been great and I will miss them dearly next year.

6. I want to be in a gang, but not a normal gang. I want to be in a gang that doesn't do illegal stuff, but rather does stuff to help out other people, a gang of good-will if you will. Instead of drive-by shootings, drive-by hugs will occur. No homo.

7. I think its a shame what happened in the Miss America pageant. The loser, Miss California (whom I feel obligated to root for anyway), lost for what I think is an atrocious reason. Perez Hilton asked the question to her, and it read (and I'm paraphrasing) "Vermont is the 23rd state to legalize gay marriage...do you think other states should follow suit"? To which she promptly replied that no, based on her beliefs, she thinks marriage should be between a man and a woman. And you know what? She got criticized and lost for that "controversial" answer. To anyone who thought this answer was controversial, you are a hypocrite. First off, its a shame she got axed because she stated what she believed, isn't that what the question was for? They wanted her opinion on the matter, and then they wanted a cliche answer, which is downright stupid because they should want these people thinking for themselves. She got silenced for having an opinion, which seems very contradictory to the principles on which our country was founded. Second off, I don't even understand why it was such a controversial answer. Only 23 states have legalized it, which means more than half of the states in America are still on the edge or against it. So actually, her opinion was probably in the majority, but it probably just wasn't "politically correct". What a pity. Third, she didn't lose for messing up or not performing as well as another contestant, she lost for what she believed. Isn't that contrary to the whole Gay Rights movement thing anyway? They've been fighting for so long to have their opinion heard because they didn't feel they got the respect they deserved, and now they are punishing people for what they believe? Isn't that exactly what they were fighting to change? And lastly, what is this country coming to if someone if people can't be up front and honest about what they believe. Many people hold back their opinions that could actually help people out, and its all because of situations like this. Screw you Perez Hilton (and I don't mean that literally).

8. 2009 has been my year in sports so far. The Steelers won the Super Bowl (and I won a bet!), the North Carolina Tar Heels won the NCAA Championship convincingly, the Lakers are on a tear right now, the Angels are predicted to win the World Series by almost everybody, and I got to play a lot in 2009 on the basketball team (I even got to start a game!). This year has been awesome so far, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

9. I'm going through a huge questioning period in my life right now. I am literally questioning everything from myself to Christianity to people's authority. I'm at a stage where I think I'm trying to grow and just figure everything out, and its taken quite a toll on me. Now through all I've been through, God has always been there, is still here, and will always be here and I know that. I have never questioned the existence of God, but I still feel like there is something I am missing, and it is eating at me in ways you can't imagine. I feel like there's this hole in me, and I don't know how to fill it. I think that is why I am questioning everything. I know God loves me, and I love him more than anything, and I feel that he is using this time in my life, especially the last few years, to help shape me into what he ultimately wants me to be. I think he has used this time to help me realize some things, to toughen up, and to conquer fears that I felt I could never conquer. I feel he wants me to question things, including Himself and my own beliefs, so that I can ultimately grow. I feel he has big things in store for me, bigger than I can imagine, and I know that he is using these experiences to help me prepare for that. I used to be scared of this thought, but now I am ready to face my fear. I have a lot of questions and holes right now, but I am ready to face them all.

10. I'm tired of trying to be somebody I'm not. Its time to take a good look at who I am and stick with it.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Me?

Who am I is the question I ask
It may seem simple but it’s quite the task
I often have impressions but they never last
All previous thoughts just upped and passed

You see I don’t know who I really am
If I’m real or just another sham
I might just be another shell of a man
Mixed in with the rest like grains of sand

I like attention, but I’m way too shy
I don’t talk a lot and I don’t know why
I’ve never been cute, never been fly
And I give off the impression that I’ve never cried

I’m not too tall, not that short
I spend most of my time on some kind of court
I’m rather unorganized with things out of sort
And by the way I act I’ve been classified as a dork

I’ve been real chunky, I’ve had the belly
I have an obsession with peanut butter and jelly
I love my music more than the Tele
And I don’t give a crap about what you’re selling

I’m straight outta Compton, but really OC
I’ve told people that, but they never believe me
So I guess where I’m from isn’t that important to history
I guess it makes sense, so where I’m from is left a mystery

I’m a bona fide gangster, it’s in my personality
Some say I have an altered view of reality
I throw people my raps, but then they throw them back at me
So instead of looking legit it’s more of a sad thing

I’m a true athlete, its what I do
From my swing of the bat to my follow-thru
I like to excel when I play, that much is true
But rare is the case where I’m ever able to

I’m real competitive, I play with fire
I like to think someday I’ll jump higher
I need a job, need to get hired
And I only speak the truth, I’m not a liar

I pretend like I’m confident but its really fake
I think everything I do is my next big mistake
Sometimes I just lie in wait for the next one I’ll make
Until I remember that’s not the route I want to take

I’m a true nerd, I love to learn
More information is for what I yearn
I wont tell people though for fear of getting burned
I’d rather keep it this way and not let the tables turn

I love to read, I can’t dance
I prefer to wear shorts rather than long pants
If there’s something I need to do, I never admit I cant
And I love my Steelers, I’m a true fan

I’m a lover not a fighter
But don’t try and light my fire
I’m not afraid to push things to the wire
And I’m a high flyer

I have a good heart, I try to always be nice
When I screw up you don’t have to tell me twice
Sometimes I get afraid to roll the dice
And I try to make decisions and try to live wise

I love God more than anything else
I talk to him more than I talk to myself
I’m a Christian, but not from the Bible Belt
I just try to live for him by being my own self

So I’m not sure what all this means
I don’t know what people really think
I don’t know what I’m supposed to be
All I know is I’m proud I’m me